WEDS 10TH NOV 2010

I'd like to say people tell me I should write more often,but alas my friends are too honest. I have in response,created a second personality that has befriended my first and has been spending the last few weeks coaxing me into believing that my messages should be heard,my talents are great and the people deserve to witness my genius.Im a bit creeped out by myself, all this arselicking after only a few weeks, its wierd,we barely know one another. However I should do something other than youtube surf and eat kitkats,so I have endeavered to keep a daily record of just how shit and piss my drivelling existence is,with amusing anecdotes and quirky thoughts of the day.I know it sounds abhorant doesnt it, Im sorry, me made me do it.enjoy.
(p.s. im proper well thick and spent most of my time at school,smoking and calling teachers wankers,probably because I thought I was like dead cool or whatever. Due to my stereotypical misadventures I am pretty much a government standard special when it comes to spelling and grammer,so anyone kind enough to proof read,edit and send my excretions back to me all la-di-dah,very much appreciated..I'l lend you a ciggy or biscuit or something.)

Sooooo on with todays activities.
At approximately 1.30pm I awoke,as I usually do with the stale realisation that I had,to my misfortune, survived to see another day. After lolloping to the kettle like a sad orange manatee and rolling an unsavoury looking tab I was struck with an irregular aspiration to make today count,to wash away the cynical dandruff, straighten a metaphorical bow tie and get down to some serious life changing optomism. This lasted precisely 2 and a half minutes before I rolled another ciggy and went upstairs to continue my career as a part time facebook stalker and BBC news 'have your say' commentator.
At lucnhtime I had carrot and coriander soup. This was a particular highlight as it meant I was encouraged to leave my seat.
At around 4pm I had had enough of watching students underline exactly why everybody hates them so much and set about sorting some old books.
The majority of my collection consisted of Terry Pratchett and toilet reading and not for one minute will I allow you to suggest in your own personal libraries these would constitute the same header. One book however did catch my attention, an old diary from my teens, where apon reading I discovered something about myself I had never known before....I used to be an aboslute cunt.
EXAMPLE:

"I just dont know what to do,I really want to go out with him, but Im scared.My parents hate him and my brother thinks hes a smackhead but hes so totally OMG shaggable LOL. I could totally show him off to my friends and he's way cool,but what if he finds out Im a virgin and dumps me???? I just dont need this shit in my life.fuck everyone"

this was accompanied by a rather long list of people I had snogged and various creepy pictures of boys that I fancied,usually sporting the a-typical nineties mini quiff and a le coq sportif jacket with captions underneath saying things like "mmm dreamy" and "hes so fit"??????

I had literally no idea I could hate somebody as much as I now hate my adolesant self. I should have been arrested for crimes against reality.

With this shivering horrorscape of near inescapable travesty lodged firmly in my mind,I knew only one thing could save me from accepting my own cuntishness, dressing up as a fire extinguisher and waiting for some hoody wearing psuedo-punk to hurl me off Millbank tower.
I had to write a new diary to prove I no longer think with my labia,to show the world my anguish no longer revolves around worrying if I could get pregnant because I tossed somebody off and that I hate people for differing reasons than wether they were a mosher or not (actually strike that,I still dont like moshers).
And so here it is, a fresh start a new chapter to document,memoirs in the making a horrible pre-cursor to how much I will inevitably hate myself in ten years time.
I hope your ready, for tommorow I'm having toast for lunch and contraversialy a bubble bath before work....

Im a tease, I know....;)
xx