MON 15th NOV 2010

YES!!, I hear you cry...."She's back, thank Christ the redeemer"



Well thanks, and I'm so sorry for leaving you two whole days without the word nourishment you deserve.



This weekend, stuff happened, that didn't involve soup, bubble baths or, until about an hour ago KitKats....the tensions building up, I can feel it. But don't wet yourselves kids, I'll tease you no more. Here is the story of a little ginger girl going to a real city, one of the ones people have heard of ....



So yeah, I went to Manchester on Saturday. I have friends there, they're real too.

The plan was to drink an amiable amount of Savanna cider (although there appears to be no such amount,ask Katie what I did to her bin) and hotfoot down to some cool indie club or whatever.

The drinking commenced, the usual frustration of what the hell do I wear, as I have to contradict popular thought and purvey that I am, in fact, a straight female,without a mental illness, stalled matters significantly and after not striking up a particularly great friendship with one of my best mates work mates, we headed out into the big trendy city, in search of lenseless glasses and people in loafers.

The night behaved, for me as it usually does these days, in the manner of a tired, dreary, balloon fart noise. This was not to the fault of anyone around me, it was unquestionably a combination of my distinct hatred for the current kiddie craze for dubstep and an inability to put 'a face on'.

I did, in my anguish, drink enough cheap ABV's to be completely unaware of any sensation of disparity whatsoever and participated with what I believe is called 'disco dancing'.This should have been it. The bit before I polished off a cheeseburger and passed out on somebody's floor and ultimately just another unsuccessful night out, that I will log with the hundreds of others, that have inadvertently marred my general happiness for the past two years and wake up and go home and just sigh.

But it didn't, because I'm an angry cunt. Because all these niggly little let downs in life, all the terrible mediocre atrocities, all the dreams that have been stubbed out like a cheap ciggy, all the horrible little bell-ends that have abused my trust and finger banged my hopes, have turned me into what is essentially a MISERABLE FUCK. A miserable, whining,narky,gloomy,snide,venomous ginger weasel.

What happened is irrelevant and certainly quite difficult to satire.

It got me thinking though, mainly about just what a divvy I come across to most people and whether I actually care?

I thought about this for a while and decided the only sensible solution is to summon a new persona,one that panders to its current company, so I can gage my current popularity.

I will be polite and considerate to all people I meet, I will object to nothing and actively applaud the suggestions of others,I will profess no dislike for anything audibly and will smile sweetly and bow courteously to all who pass.

This is a good summary of intentions for my new social experiment.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8EoukRWQ-ec





This is how I would be:

"Sophie, this is Jeff, he's a friend of mine"

"Hy Jeff, what a lovely name, I'm Sophie, are you having a good night?"

"Yes, thank you, are you?"

"Yes, its great thanks, I really like the music, who'd have thought of playing Oasis continually, all night, how novel"

"Yes its good isn't it, I love getting drunk with a group of people, of whom we share literally nothing in common, and going to the same place we go every week and dancing to the same music, they've been playing for 5 years"

"Yes,how wonderful. I wish I had friends like yours, I'm so happy to have met you, I really hope we can be friends too. Have a great night"



now I realise, even as I type this, that my experiment, could never actualise. My gag reflex is simply too strong....



"Sophie, this is Jeff, He's a friend of mine"

"Hy, Jeff, that's a shit name, were you in Byker Grove? actually I wish that was you, coz THAT Jeff died in a fire, My names Sophie are you having a good night?"

"Erm..yes thank you, are you?"

"Yes, I am actually, because I'm currently visualising myself in a post apocalyptic world filled with giant sex-offending spiders,who have imprisoned us a series of glass lifts,which incidentally I'm absolutely petrified of, and I'm naked and all the other prisoners can see me, which just my luck, are all the men Ive ever fancied and due to the nuclear fall-out, Ive developed a nasty case of bowel cancer and keep soiling myself, but I'm so thankful that I have these visualisation skills, or I'd be aware of where I actually was and what a boring cunt I was talking to"

"Erm right, Its good though isn't it, I love getting drunk and...."

"look can you not just fuck off"



I think I've decided that I simply cannot suppress myself, if I intend to keep myself from jumping in front of a train.

I should definately learn to control my anger and I certainly don't like upsetting friends but the only reason I am sane, in fact the very reason I'm not more angry and more hateful and an even bigger twat, is that I vent my frustrations at the moment of frustration and dont leave hem to colate.

I will NEVER be able to enjoy myself if I have to listen to Morrisey.

I think the way to make headway here, is for me to accept I can't have everything my own way all the time and that most people are morons and I have to just deal with that :).(Har har I'm making a joke, but I probably deep down, genuinely think your all morons!!)



If I act like a dick,tell me.

If I give you a compliment, at least you know its genuine.

If you don't like me, I dare you to try and understand me at least.



and now to lighten the mood, this is the subject I've chosen to research today:



"Social anxiety disorder (SAD, SAnD) also called social phobia , is an anxiety disorder characterized by intense fear in social situations, causing considerable distress and impaired ability to function in at least some parts of daily life

Generalized social anxiety disorder typically involves a persistent, intense, chronic fear of being judged by others and of being embarrassed or humiliated by one's own actions. These fears can be triggered by perceived or actual scrutiny from others. While the fear of social interaction may be recognized by the person as excessive or unreasonable, overcoming it can be quite difficult

Some sufferers may use alcohol or other drugs to reduce fears and inhibitions at social events. It is common for sufferers of social phobia to self-medicate in this fashion, especially if they are undiagnosed, untreated, or both; this can lead to alcoholism or other kinds of substance abuse."



Ha ha ha ha ha , look at me,I said I was going to lighten the mood, I made a sardonic reference,hahaha

here's a pug in fancy dress

http://dogs.thefuntimesguide.com/images/blogs/pug-dog-bride.jpg




Night chaps

xxx