Monday 4 February 2013

HELP

A Desperate Appeal

Now, I shall get right to the point, I'm in a desperate situation. The last time I felt this shitty and hopeless was as a penniless teen, picking apart dock ends and rolling them into new fags, crying as the taste of burnt chemicals and shame dripped miserably down my lungs for that 8 second nicotine hit I had become so repentantly dependant on.
Today, Fleetwood Mac announced the dates of their five day UK tour, tickets go on sale Friday...and they're not cheap!
Those of you who know me will understand my plight, my favourite and probably the best band in the world are playing an hour away from me and I probably will never have another opportunity to see them again. I don't get paid till next week and even if by some miracle there are still some tickets left, I was too busy fantasising about being Stevie Nicks at school to concentrate and learn anything and so my job brings me in less than the average five year old gets in pocket money every week, the spoilt little BASTARDS.
I'm going to get straight to it and ask you to look deep into your hearts (and wallets) and see if you can't find a few spare bob to help a miserable ginger warble and cry joyfully for a few hours in October.
It's really embarrassing isn't it?
I don't care.

Underneath I will attempt to give you some valid reasons to aid my worthy cause:

  • They are my favouritest band ever and I listen to them all the time and more than anyone else (probably)
  • When Topshop decided to shit all over everything and start selling their t-shirts, I couldn't afford one, so I made one myself, WITH MY OWN HANDS (and iron)
  • I'm 27 this year and I still live with my parents
  • I was born clinically ginger and have consequently been battling the prejudice and sunburn associated  with such a terrible affliction all my life.
  • I was going to try prostitution to try and get tickets and then I realised I can't even get people to sleep with me for free :(
  • Everyone who donates, gets to come round and I'll make you a curry or some cakes or a fruit punch or something
  • I've got to go to the dentists TWICE this month.
  • If you donate, that might mean you like my blog and if you like it then I could do it more if you want?
  • If you donate, that might mean you hate my blog and want me to shut up, which I can do too if you want?
  • I'll try and not say anything nasty about cats on Facebook anymore.
  • I know all the words to Sara and can sing it EXACTLY like Stevie Nicks if I hold my fingers against my throat and vibrate them.
  • I suffer horribly from acute 'feeling left out of fun things' syndrome and I might go into cardiac arrest if I don't get to go.
  • A pessimistic misanthrope at heart, perhaps YOUR donation could make me think twice about the human condition and turn my life around for the better?
  • Most people think I'm really short even though I'm average height for a UK female.
  • I'm always having to tell people I'm average height for a UK female.
  • You could always come too and we could have a really really fun time dancing and crying and doing more crying.
  • I once gave a cigarette to a homeless person
  • I don't really enjoy life
  • Why not use this as an opportunity to make yourself feel better? Giving is really good for strengthening  your 'smug' muscles.
  • If all my Facebook friends gave a quid, I'd have enough for two tickets and I would repay the altruism  by selling somebody the second ticket for like 20 quid less than I bought it.
  • The last one was only a joke
  • If I got enough for two, I would genuinely repay the altruism somehow, maybe give it to somebody else who's really really poor.
  • I'm really poor and nobody will give me a job because I have a shit degree in Drama
  • I had to study Drama at university
  • I had to go to university in Lancaster
  • I still live here
  • If I get to go, I'll video myself dancing around and being really weird and you can all laugh at it.
  • I really really really like Fleetwood Mac
So there we have it, I've bared all and I'M NEVER GOING BACK AGAIN, they might sound like LITTLE LIES but it's all true. If you think you want to SAY THAT YOU LOVE ME, then please donate whatever you can by pressing the donate button at the top AS LONG AS YOU FOLLOW the instructions it should be a really simple transaction and it should work on mobiles too so you can give EVERYWHERE.
Thank you for taking the time to read my pleas and DON'T STOP to hesitate asking me any further information, I promise I won't give you SECOND HAND NEWS.
You could just be the one who makes my DREAMS come true and if not well YOU CAN GO YOUR OWN WAY.

Thanks and BIG LOVE

Ginge