Hello you horrible bunch of ingrate uglies!
God I'm funny sometimes.
Soooo what have I been up to, I hear you all plead?
Been away doing all manner of exciting things actually, you know learning magic spells,driving flying cars,fighting evil wizards,whilst all the time trying to lead a normal school life and making heartwarming bonds with my cute teen friends.
OK, I haven't, that's Harry Potter.
BUT Ive decided today's blog is gonna be all art nouveu and shit, gonna shake it right up, make you all stop and listen for a minute people. I HAVE A MESSAGE Y'ALL!
so the plan is, to hide my laziness and lack of inspiration, today's broadcast will be in the style of a Myspace note yeah? in your face retro and all that. WOW shes so edgy.
Don't look at me like that, your all my friends and if you fancy me as much as you all claim to you'd fucking love to know what I had for breakfast or who my last phone call was from.
If Matt Cardle did this, you'd all be loosening your corsets and fanning yourself furiously.
Matt, what colour was your last stool?
"a light beige actually, I think its all the stress, from having to sing karaoke every week, its done my guts a nasty"
*swoooooon dreamy*
Fuck it, just imagine I'm on the back page of 'Bum It!' magazine or whatever its called, doing one of them '5minutes with...'
1. Last beverage:
Yorkshire Tea, of course
2. Last phone call:
"Hello".."Hello, is this Miss Sophie Lea?".."Erm, who's calling?"...."this is HSBC ba...""I'm afraid Shes dead, goodbye"
3. Last text message:
Katie Taylor: "No, If you were turning into a Daily Mail Columnist, the headline would've been OUTRAGE AS MUSLIM WOMAN USES TOILETS MEANT FOR BRITISH CITIZENS"
4.Last song you listened to:
pretty much been listening to 'Don't walk away' by Chromeo for the past 6 days
5. Last time you cried:
About two mintues ago, when I realised this is the sort of thing I do with my life.
HAVE YOU EVER:
6. Dated someone twice?:
Ive never been on a date, I tend to just skip to the arguments,weight gain and dryed up sex part.saves time
7. Been cheated on:
Of course I have,I'm not a lesbian.
8. Kissed someone & regretted it:
No, I needed the money, and John Leslie is a very persuasive man
9. Lost someone special:
what, like in a supermarket? thats very careless.
10. Been depressed:
I'm alive ar'nt I?
11. Been drunk and threw up:
Christ this is awful, what was I thinking,its not even funny anymore...
LIST THREE FAVORITE COLORS:
12. venom green
13. deathly mauve
14. bile yellow?
THIS YEAR HAVE YOU: (2010)
15. Made a new friend:
Not since daddy locked me in the cellar.
16. Fallen out of love:
Olly Murs used to be cool
17. Laughed until you cried:
I've laughed at other people crying etc.
18. Met someone who changed you:
Doctor Kettering did a wonderful job and with a decent set of undies, you can hardly see the scars.
19. Found out who your true friends were:
Ron and Hermione obvs
20. Found out someone was talking about you:
all over the tabloids, like a pissing puppy.
21. Kissed anyone on your friend's list:
DADDY NOOOO...
22. How many people on your friends list do you know in real life?
All of them, I'm not a 12 year old girl or a 45 year old sex offender
23. How many kids do you want:
I'm not hungry right now har har har har.
24. Do you have any pets:
Rosie, she is a corgi, she eats plastic bags.I love her.
25. Do you want to change your name:
bored
27. What time did you wake up today:
bored
28. What were you doing at midnight last night:
In a spar in manchester, that smelt of tuna
29. Name something you CANNOT wait for:
NERDSTOCK avec le chien d'electro.Not looking forward to getting arrested for trying to sexually assault Brian Cox though. :(
.30. Last time you saw your Mother:
I block these things out...it could have been weeks ago, I'm happily unaware.
31. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life:
The beginning. I'd like there not to have been one essentially.
33. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom:
Whats he done?
34. Who's getting on your nerves right now:
Myself...this is just soul destroying.
35. Most visited webpage:
quizzesthatmakeyouwanttocommitharrycarry.com
36. Whats your real name:
Fryedchickenesha
37. Nicknames:
pete,long john sally,robotoclunge, there's a few...
38. Relationship Status:
itispossibletobehappilysingleyouknow@youshouldgiveitatrythenyoumightnotendupgoingoutwithsuchanarrayofarseholes.now
39. Zodiac sign:
Leo Sayers
40. Male or female:
Erm I'm fairly sure he's a bloke, although the hair, the hair *shakes head* dunno.
41.Primary School:
been already
42. Secondary School:
managed that as well thanks
43. High school/college:
yep
44. Hair color:
the deepest, most passionate fiery orange.Like the swirling nebulae of creation.
ginger.
45. Long or short:
I wouldn't describe myself as long, I'm about average height.
46. Height:
yes
47. Do you have a crush on someone:
wait for it.....
48: What do you like about yourself:
YOUR MUM!! HAHA oh no wait that was for the last one.
49. Piercings:
just my scrotsack nothing edgy.
50. Tattoos:
Ive got a tattoo of my face on my face, its really good, can hardly tell the difference
51. Righty or lefty:
My political stance, is frankly none of your business.
52. Sweet or salty?:
GIN
53. First piercing:
GIN?
54. First best friend:
Micheal Jackson came round once, but after the lawsuit, he wasn't allowed round again.
55. First sport you joined:
Jesus Juice quaffing
56. First vacation:
Neverland
57. What was your favorite memory as a child:
petting uncle Micheal's pet snake.
(I know its not funny, but I gave up ages ago)
58. First pair of trainers:
This ones for you Katie: Neon green, skipton market rip-off Nike AirMax
RIGHT NOW
59. Eating:
wait for it..... YOUR MUM! (Katie, she fucking stinks)
60. Drinking:
Yorkshire Tea, Of course
61. I'm about to:
Grate my own elbows off, very slowly as a favorable alternative to continuing with this
62. Listening to:
The dreadful harrowing emptiness of the decimated hollow of my mind and thoughts.
63. Waiting for:
The softness off death.
YOUR FUTURE
64. Want kids:
go away
65. Get married:
Shut up
66. Career:
*ears start to bleed*
ANSWER TRUTHFUL
67. Had more than 1 girlfriend/boyfriend at a time:
*abdominal organs begin to shut down*
68. Did you sing today:
*sudden shooting pains down left arm*
69. Ever had a one night stand?:
*struggling for breath*
70. If you could go back in time, how far would you go?:
*blood pressure normalises*
Can I? does that mean I could go back to before I started this? Yes, but due to the causality of reality I would inevitably begin the quiz again anyway, and due to still present memories from before the time jump, I would find the experience twice as nausiating???
*loud flat beep*
71. The moment you would choose to relive:
*I am walking up a tunnel towards a bright light*
73. Are you afraid of falling in love:
*at the end of the light, a figure*
74. Are you afraid of posting this as 100 truths:
"god?"
"No you silly cock, Its Richard Dawkins. I'm frankly insulted you would give up rational thought at such a time, now bugger off your dead"
Goodnight you sad, bored bastards
xxx
I enjoyed that most of this was aimed at me.
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